My life wasn't supposed to be like this. I wasn't supposed to be like this. Every step is worthless. Meaningless. Every step we take goes forward but in what direction? I take care of everything that needs to be taken care of. Life goes forward with each step but what's in the air? Is it trust? Or is it lust from someone of whom you thought loved you? Maybe being lied to gives me a reason to not look back. Life goes where we take it. Life goes where it wants to take us. It takes us exactly where we needed to go. Maybe a few years ago it would of been easy. Once I have it in my mind of what I want, what I need. It turns out on a blank piece of paper. I just don't understand anymore. What the fuck is life? Is it the on going struggle to be something other than what you are? Why can't I just be myself? Why can't i just be me? You can be who ever you want to be. Will anybody care about me if Im not myself? Will anybody care about me even if I am myself? Love. Maybe thats what counts. Can I love? You have a huge capacity for love. What counts is if you can find love and to find out if it is even real. I don't even know if anybody loves me. People love you, I know its selfish to say but people love me. I hope they love me. I pray that someone like you, loves me. It comes back to being selfish. There is always a little spot inside to be selfish. Its okay to be selfish. We are made to be selfish. Out here its just cold. I know it will get warmer but the sun always fades when I go out of my way to be happy. Its makes no sense. It should be common sense to be happy but how can you have common sense if nothing makes sense. How can you have answers if there are just more questions? Its just questions. Thats all it is at the end of the day and its all that it will ever be. Just questions. To never be answered. Your concern will blind me, but its the only way to see just what I am.
