I have found words are a very powerful tool to use when you try and approach a person. I've realized the comfort of sitting with pen and paper writing down my thoughts is the best way to get through to a person... It has been such a long time since I've found the time and place to sit down and speak to every one of you. So much pressure and anxiety has succumbed good ol' Jordan the past 7 months; being homeless and living with my drunken aunt and uncle from November until May; pressure from family about the poverties in my life, and how I will be in debt forever if I attend college.
I have fallen in and out of love, and back into it, and hopefully for a while; my mom or my brother do not take kindly to him at all, though. I beLIEve it's something I'm missing, like I'm too caught up in the moment maybe. People see a change in me.. I absolutely hate texting. I've always felt it zombifies humans into a digital world that isn't real, but yet I find myself texting him.. I gotta stop that, haha. I feel my mom or my brother don't understand when I know in my psyche they do too well. I feel they are against me when I know they would never be. I ask myself, "Is this a good thing?" I instantaneously say yes. You all probably think, "Well, that's all that matters if you and him are happy." It's not that easy.
You see, my maggot friends, I am somewhat experienced with how people think. I know enough that people will use you to get something out of you they damn well can't, or that they are control fiends that won't stop until they can own somebody... However, I am not experienced in love. Never really been in love. I've loved guys I've grown to know, but they never returned the favor. This is the first time I've ever loved anybody in my life that has loved me back for who I am, and it's not fair to hate on something beautiful. I know it sounds sappy, but I really don't give a flying fuck. I always felt love is a lie, and now I have a reason to believe in it cuz I have someone as dorky as me to share it with. Sure he can be a dick, but can't we all? Of course he's selfish, but we all are. He can be disrespectful, but we've all shown that part of us where we just don't care from time to time again. He has flaws I damn right know about, and most people think I'm naieve and I don't wanna look at the negative and I just want to live for the moment and his positives. I've just sat here and told you guys I know how people work. I was able to see his flaws first... I've just accepted them because I've accepted him. He's imperfect, and I love every ounce, every strength, every weakness, just every single thing about him... Call me a fool. Call me dumbass. Call me what you will. It won't hurt cuz you'll be talking to a screen. This is one of the things I've always wanted, and I finally have it, and I feel lucky and jovial. He isn't using me. He loves me for who I am, not what I represent... So, eat that, swallow it, and shit it out whoever has a problem with who I'm dating.
Now, I'm pissed enough to tell you guys that I haven't changed a damn much. I text my boyfriend even though I absolutely despise it. I'm going to college, but it's art school. Not John's fucking Hopkins where it's packed with beetleheaded democrats that want to change the world without taking a look at how fucked up it is. That's about it. Not gonna go kiss up to the dirty politicians and give up. I'm still in for the revolution I talked about 2 years ago. I'm still planning it, and whoever wants to help me can join me. I love you guys. Even if you're in a different state or in a different country. I love you guys. Keep in touch.
Stay {sic}.
Jordan
Hands of Despair
from Jordan93
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Splattered Lillies
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Skeleton
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Shay
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Bird and evil children
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Vanity
from Jordan93
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